If it’s possible for the Winds of Change to knock about the chimes of my heart, boy have they! I’m itching for change. I can feel it in my bones. Deep within me. It’s resonating through every. single. thing. I contemplate: moving furniture, organizing clothes and dishes and what’s in the fridge, trying and trying and trying various arts, determining my own career expectations and trajectory, figuring out what it is that I *really* want from this life.
Maybe it’s the leap, the unexpected, the abyss beyond that I can’t possibly foresee that tantalizes me.
And then, last night, after scoring essays and writing comments, I pulled a few tarot cards, and the Winds died a little. If the Universe isn’t telling me to pump the brakes, to look before I leap, to consider that maybe the abyss isn’t as glorious as I’ve imagined, well, I don’t know what. Which gives me pause, sure, but also evokes a sigh of heavy dissatisfaction. I’m a petulant child who wants to stomp my foot and say “But I don’t wanna!”
So now I’m looking up ways to practice impulse control and improve my willpower. How boring. And I’m coming up with Google results like this one from Psychology Today and this one from Inc. Long lines of text, short: make goals, stick to a plan, notice the patterns in your behaviors. I can make goals, no problem. I’ll notice patterns all day long, that’s fine. Stick to a plan? No thanks. I like change.
So I guess I need to work on sticking to a plan and putting a damper on the chiming caused by the Winds of Change. My plan for now? Wait. Have patience. Allow the impulse to pass. But if and when the Universe puts an opportunity in my lap, I’ll go for it. The difference, however, is that perhaps I won’t SEEK OUT the change. I’ll let the ball come to me and not worry so much about getting a jump on things – all in an effort to avoid throwing myself off my balance point. (Yeah, maybe I’m just ready for baseball season…)
shelly. walston. writes. 